Going Beyond My Comfort....

So I have started my new business and at this point I had hoped to have many bookings on my calendar but I have two.  I have posted my new business on fb many times and I have sent out emails to the women in my life that I thought for sure would be more than willing to jump up and help and book a party.  I got one email back from a "new" friend who is away for the summer but said she would be willing to book a show in the late fall.  I know now my next step is to make phone calls and that is out of my comfort zone.

I don't like to be uncomfortable and I don't like to make other people uncomfortable and I know that I will have to step into that zone for my business to flourish.  I also know that once I do it I will get better at it and God will bless me abundantly.  The problem is....I don't want to do it and I can feel my anxiety growing out of control inside of me...like a vine out of control and it is going to smother me if I don't get control of it.

I also believe that God has sent me tools to use to get control of this.  I had a woman call and email me this week that stated that she wanted to speak to me about helping with a reception to be held after church because she is getting married at my church during a regular service.  I was left very confused because the whole conversation doesn't register correct in my mind.  Weddings during church, receptions during coffee hour, people who call strangers out of the blue????  I am having a hard time calling people that I know and love to have a party where they will earn free merchandise and this woman called me to help with a wedding reception, her wedding reception, out of the blue.  This has left me feeling...I'm not even sure what I'm feeling.

I want to be open to hear her, to help her, to learn from her.  I want to be the kind of person who can pick up a phone and talk people into things, without being manipulative, of course.  Sometimes I think people just want to be asked.  I know that at the root of this is rejection.  I have always had issues with rejection.  My biggest fear has always been that "you" weren't going to like me.   I have worked on this my whole life and I believe that I have to give this to God.  I probably give this to God and take it back all the time.  I am good at giving and taking.

Now at this point I haven't actually spoken to the woman yet.  We don't even know each other.  I have recieved an email and a phone message.  My thoughts are who is this person calling a complete stranger to help with her wedding, how much am I suppose to help.  What does God want me to do????  That is the biggest question I have been asking since yesterday.  I believe this has to be something from him....So what am I to do with it???  I am praying that when I do finally speak with her God will give me the words that I need because I have no idea what to do?  Talking with a stranger about something so personal....Is definately Going Beyond My Comfort!!!

Rough Days...

I am not sure why the last couple of days have been so rough.  It could have been because of the medication, I was taking 150mgs of Lyrica 3x a day and I was in such a fog that I didn't even know my own name, so the doctor took me down to 1x a day only at night.  I think I am still feeling a little groggy from that.  It also could be that I have been waiting on an email that is going to change my life.  I found a company that I am going to work for, working for myself.  I will be doing something that I am passionate about and the company is faith-based.  I just have to be patient and I am not good at that which is something I really need to work on but the more I work on it the harder it gets.  It could also be that on top of all of this, I finally got some hours at work.  Twenty-six hours may not seem like a lot to some but I have been going from 6-9  hours a week for a while to now working 26 hours on my feet.  So going from 6 hours a week (and not all in one day) to 26 hours a week (6 hours a day)...I am not only physically tired but I am emotonally tired.  I know this sounds like a lot of whining and it probably is but I am hoping it will make me feel better. 

My daughter called me a ray of sunshine once and I was very happy to hear that but the problem  is that sometimes it does rain.  I am almost always a very happy person.  I always remember how much God Loves me and that I should be grateful for everything in my life and even when I feel like this I am extremely grateful to God for everything I have been given.  But there are days when it rains...sometimes its a drizzle and sometimes it's a downpour. 

The last few days I have to accept as a downpour.  Just as in life when it rains I always wait in anticipation for what will come when the storm is over.  I always think about what the flowers will look like when the rain ends, I think about how green the trees will be when the sun comes back out.  So I will try and take a deep breath through this rain storm in my life and think about how beautiful life will be on the other side of this storm.  I believe that God has an amazing gift waiting for me on the other side of this drizzle...It will be an awesome rainbow of sorts and I am willing to wait.  Thank you Lord for giving me the gift of writing through this storm and finding you again.  I love you!!!

Just need to Vent...

So a couple of weeks ago I started a new medication called Lyrica.  I was very excited about this one because I thought for sure this one was going to work.  It is,  of course,  the most expensive one on the market with a $50.00 co-pay for me and I know that others have paid more, and the insurance company made me jump through a small hoop to get it,  making me try another cheaper drug first.  That drug did not work and it actually put me in more pain than I was before.  So I started the Lyrica and right away I noticed a difference...it put me right to sleep at night...out like a light!!  I thought ok,  this is good I won't need my sleeping pills at night any more.

Then I started the morning pill...I had to eventually work my way up to a three times a day dosage.  The pill made me feel like I had a couple of drinks and I wasn't feeling any pain but also wasn't able to really function to well either but it was my day off and I figured this is a feeling that will go away, I just have to get use to the meds.  It will work its way into my system and I will be ok.

A couple of days later I worked the afternoon pill into my schedule and now I am asleep all the time.  I am up but basically I am functioning asleep.  This is no way to live.  Why would they make a pill that makes you feel like this.  Am I feeling any pain?  Well the pain isn't as bad as it was on the last pill but I could have just had a bottle of wine to feel like this.  I will be contacting my doctor today to see if this is too much medication or if this is how I'm suppose to feel.  If it is I am done with it.  I am suppose to be heading off to the Fibro Clinic in Boston if this medication didn't work.  I have a feeling I will be going to Boston sometime soon.  I am not sure there are any more medicines to try but thats ok...I want to try new remedies like massage, diet and exercise.  I really believe these will work more than the medications. 

I would love to hear from anybody reading this...If you have an opinion, a story or just support, I love hearing from people.  If you have anything to add to the medication dilemma, I would love to hear about that too...Until the next time...

Fibro's Birth...

If you google Fibromyalgia you will probably read that fibro is usually found in women and it's usually the result of a trumatic experience as a child.  They have quoted rape or abuse to be the cause.  Well I was not raped or abused as a child but I did loose my dad at the age of nine.  Was that trumatic enough to bring on this type of condition?  It is a mystery.  But now that I have it I have to live with the continuing mystery of it...or do I?

For about a year I did question every aspect of this condition.  Why did I have it?  What do I do about it?  When am I going to stop hurting?  Why doesn't anyone understand?  And then I decided to stop....

And please don't think for one minute that I don't have my moments...I have moments when I ask every one of those questions again. But for the most part I decided that I had to start living my life again.  I don't know why I have this and there is nothing I can do to change it so I will live with it and do what I need to do to help others.  What does God want me to do with this?  When I am in deep pain I ask to be prayed on and with and I have an awesome boyfriend who does that.  God has become a huge part of my life that he once wasn't.  Although God was always a part of my life he is now allowed to be a part of my relationship with the person that I intend to be with for the rest of my life.  So laying on of hands and healing prayer is so much a part of my life now and so important.  Although Todd doesn't always understand he is always very supportive. 

The part of this condition that has really gotten me very frustrated is the emotional and psychological part.  One of the pieces of this condition is depression and I have issues with this.  I am not a depressed person.  My depression comes from the fact that I can't get rid of the pain.  So I feel that depression is not a peice of this condition but a side effect.  Does this make any sense to any of you?  I am very, vey happy for the most part.  I am usually only depressed when I am taking a medication thats supposed to take away pain and the pain doesn't go away.  When I have a flare up thats when you may find me blue.  Now I'm not saying that this is eveyones position, I understand that depression may be a bigger part of someones fibromyalgia.  A lot of the medications have depression meds in them and I know that I personally didn't need that and those meds didn't work for me.

Okay now as I'm writing this I found another frustrating part...the medications and the fibro make you "stupid".  I know that sounds bad and I hope most of you understand this, but I have been on Topamax for quite a few years now and it just takes away things from my brain, and the fibro has broken the connections. I have called my mom out of the blue and asked her things like...What is that flat thing you flip bugers wth called?   to which she will say with hesitation....a spatula...and I with the greatest delight will shout with joy....Yay...A spatula.  This is something that has embarrassed me in many conversations and when you get stuck on a simple word it can be pretty embarrassing.  Fibromyalgia in itself can make you "stupid"...it's what I call stupid brain....It is because the nerve endings are all messed up so it's really not because we are stupid but because the connections are broken so if you can remember that you will feel better. (hopefully) It is still very frustrating but at least you know there is a reason.

I haven't even started to talk about the pain...that will be blogged later!!

They Say it's Your Birthday...

I told Todd last night that I wasn't going to be able to get him anything for his birthday because money is tight for me and he said that it wasn't a big deal because it was just another day....Just another day???  I don't get that, birthday's are not just another day.  This is the day that you were born.  This is YOUR day...ok...Let me explain how I grew up with birthdays.

We, always from the time I can remember, had celebrations for our birthdays.  We had cakes and partys and friends and presents. Some years the partys were bigger and the presents were smaller and some years the presents were bigger and the partys were smaller and sometimes there wasnt a party but just cake and a small present but there was always a combination of Celebration. When we were old enough to have chores, this was the one day we actually got to skip our chores without any guilt.  We were sometimes given the luxury of picking our favorite meal on our birthday.  The day was made to feel special and when I was young I just knew that it was because I was special and loved.  I tried to pass this on to my own children and I hope that they picked this up in the many lessons that I taught them.  If they didn't and they are reading this, I hope they realize it's not too late to fix it now. 

Now that I am an adult I want to continue the celebration part of the birthday.  I know we don't want to get old and thats ok because we don't have to celebrate the number.  We just have to remember that this is the day that the Lord made US!!!  Let us rejoice and be glad in that!!!  I feel so Blessed on my loved ones birthdays because I am so thankful to God that they are here and that he gave them to me as wonderful gifts.  Maybe I should be celebrating a birthday on my loved ones birthdays because I am so thankful...they feel like gifts to me.

I am especially thankful to God for blessing me with such an awesome spirit because my dad died the day after my ninth birthday and that could have destroyed a wondeful part of life.  I am truly thankful to my Mom and Dad (Eddie) for blessing me with awesome birthdays and making them so wonderful.  They really were very good about lifting my sister and I up and telling us how special we were and reminding us that we were truly loved by God. 

So when I hear people say...It's just another day...It makes me sad.  Every Birthday should be celebrated...For this is the day the Lord has made you!!!!!

My Passion...

Once upon a time I had 3 children and I thought "Is this all that God wants me to be?" and he said "Yes...this is all."  I told God, "I will be the best mom I can be." And so it was...

Well as much as I loved that life, it ended.  Being a stay home mom ends if you don't continue to have children your whole life...(not for me).  So what was I to do with only a degree in motherhood?  My sister is always telling her students that you need to find your passion in life.  Being a stay home mom was surely my passion but that life had ended so I had to find my new passion.

One day while sitting at the computer I decided I would Google my passion...pocketbooks!!!!  I googled homebased businesses selling pocketbooks but the only companies that came up were companies that did not interest me.  One was a company selling pocketbooks that I did not find appealing, which I think is important, and the other seemed on the not so legal side, which I also find very important.  Oh well...at least I tried.  I prayed to God and I know that he knows whats on my heart.  He knows exactly what it is that will make me happy and successful.

Less than a week later I recieved an inbox message on Facebook from a friend that was titled Thirtyone, and there was a lot of reciepients in the reciepient list.  I assumed it was one of those forwards that was going to tell me that I was one 31 of their favorite people and if I forwarded the message to 31 of my favorite people I would be blessed.  Well I ignored the message.  Later that night I recieved another message from the same list of people.  This time I decided that I would open the message and read it.  WELL!!!!  I was blown away with what was inside.  There was a link to a company named Thirtyone and it was a homebased pocketbook selling company and these pocketbooks were AMAZING!!!!!!!  I started to read, well I started to skim really quickly....then saw the words...God Bless!!! What??  God Bless??  Is this a Faith based company??  Can't be!!  I had to start over...Slowly I started to read.....

This company was started by a woman who wanted to spend more time with her family so she went to her basement and started sewing....

The company is based on Proverbs 31...The entire chapter is a beautiful testament to women.  I suggest you read it.  Its based on strong women who work to support thier families.  It encourages women and rewards women when they show the love of God in their work. 

I feel very Blessed to be a woman who will be a part of this company.  I have been a woman who believed in taking care of my family first and now to have God reward me with a comapny who believes in the same thing is a miracle and I praise him for that.

I have always believed that the more you thank God for the blessings in your life the more blessings he will give you and this absolutely a blessing from God.  I have no doubt in my heart that God has brought this company to me.  I will continue to take care of my family and I will continue to praise God along the way.  For it is God who has brought me every Blessing I have...Thank you Lord!!!

Too Blessed to be Stressed...

Ok so this is a follow up to my last rant about being in pain all the time.  It is true, I am in constant pain but I am always trying to be thankful because I feel that if I thank God for everything in my life then I will be blessed with more blessings.  I usually do get blessed.  God is good in that respect.  He loves to be thanked for all of the things he gives us.  I know that this physical ailment I have is not God's fault and I know that when I do get to heaven my body will be perfect and the pain will be gone.  God has promised me a wonderful seat in Heaven and I am very thankful for that.  So as painful as my every day can be I know that I can make it. 

God is always showing me how much he loves me by answering my prayers, sometimes he answers them by saying no and thats ok, I can live with that.  I know he has my best interest at heart and he is in charge. 

So I just wanted to share with you that even though I may be crying in pain and grumpy to the max because of the pain I am still incredibly thankful to God for everything he gives me.  He is my center, my core and he never recieves the blame for my sickness.

Stress Hangover

I ususally try to blog about positive issues but today I am feeling frustrated.  For those of you that don't know I suffer from Fibromyalgia, a condition that effects my nerves, muscles and joints.  There isn't a real reason why people suffer from this and there isn't yet a cure.  Apparently I have been suffering from this for many years but because it takes so long to diagnose I didn't begin treatment until about 2 years ago.  Even though I began treatment 2 years ago, I still haven't found a treatment that works for me.  There are a few different medications out there that are advertised for this condition but so far they haven't worked for me.  I am on my third medication, this one is one that I have to take and try per order of the insurance company before I can try a different one.  You have to understand these medications are the kind that you have to build up to and then if you come off you have to ween off of, so "trying a medication means, taking 1 pill for a week then taking 2 pills for another week then taking 3 pills for another week then being on the pill for a few weeks to find it doesn't work,  Now to come off that pill you have to take 2 pills for a week....get it!!! So now it takes forever to get on medications and to come off and in the mean time your body is going through withdrawals and its in pain anyway and your mind is stressed not knowing when you will find relief.  And there is that word STRESS!!!

Everyone has stress, we can't help it, that's life.  Well if you have fibro, that's the short, cool word for it, then you know that you are not allowed to stress because if you stress even a little...you will suffer.  Stress of any kind brings on a flare-up and that means trouble.  Flare-ups include, migraines, IBS, muscle pains so bad that you feel like you have run a marathon and you can't move, joint pain, heartburn that mimics a heart attack.  The problem is the stress doesn't have to be bad stress...there is good stress.  There is being excited about things and your body gets excited well watch out.  If your body is like mine it will turn around and attack you.  It doesn't seem to know the difference between good and bad "excited" activity in the brain.

I am also sure that physical therapy, diet and cognitive therapy (changing the way I think) would be very helpful but these things cost much more than the stupid pills they push at you.  I know for a fact because I have tried it that massage therapy works but it is so ridiculoulsy priced and our insurance company's would rather give me a pill.  As you can probably tell I am tired of the pills and would much rather go a different route but right now am stuck up against a wall.

I know I will never be free of the stress, good or bad, but finding a better way of coping with it is my goal.  I know I may seek out therapy and some sort of physical activity.  Keeping the negative stress out of my life is also a goal of mine but learning how to change it and not totally delete it is what I am looking to accomplish.

I titled this Stress Hangover because you know what it is like to suffer an alcohol hangover...well a stress hangover is the same idea...After an episode of stress, I have the same couple of days of feeling like crap.  Migraine, muscle ache, stomach issues...feeling of being hit by a truck!!!!

Watch Your Back

This has been one of those weeks that I wished I could do over.  It seemed that no matter what I did I was being drained of my spirit.  I had a week filled with helping friends and family and this is something that I normally do best.  In fact there were a couple of times this week I wrote on my Facebook wall that I was "Off to do what I do best" hoping to leave some of the people in my Facebook land with thoughts of "Where is she off too?" and What is Mary up to now?".  I spent Monday and Wednesday with a very special woman, whose has been in my life since I was nine and has taught me many things and now she is one of my best friends.  She was always there for me when I needed her and now I am so very Blessed to be able to be there for her when she needs me. On Thursday I had to take my oldest daughter to the doctors because she was very ill with bronchitis and a sinus infection.  Taking her to the doctors and then to pick up her prescriptions and then back home to bed reminded me of when the kids were little and they needed me to take care of them.  I think it was Gods way of saying, "Sometimes I will still need you to fill in on the little stuff, you will always be on call".  On Friday I spent the day with my youngest daughter, who is now and will always be my baby.  She is on her own and even though she has days when she may struggle she is making me so proud because she is starting to make positive choices and that is all that God expects from us.  So I know she will be Blessed.  I have been searching for a job for months and nothing has come so money seems to get tighter with every passing day.  Everytime I think I have a lead on a good job something seems to get in the way.  I stopped praying for patience in the job hunting department and started being thankful for everything I had, thinking that would change the way I felt, but for some reason this week, it was getting worse. Remember it was also on this day that I found out that I would no longer be an active participent on the bone marrow registry. With everything good I did, my spirit was being sucked out of me.  I opened my online bank account on Saturday to find that the small amount of money that I had left...and I mean small had been changed to minus $43 and change.  Now I lost it!!!!!!

I couldn't believe after everything I had done this week...After everything thing good I had done...After every prayer I had prayed for people both here and there...This is what God had to hand me...And then it hit me...IT WAS NOT GOD....Satan was not impressed with my week.  He was in fact pissed off with all the good that I had been doing.  After all the years of being a Christian and doing "good" things, this was the first time in my life that satan was actually attacking me personally.  Well it was the first time that I actually felt it.  It was the first time in my life that his attack caused me to say "why is God doing this to me".  But as soon as the words fell out of my mouth I knew that it was not God doing this and I knew that Satan was behind this and I declared God the Ruler of my life.  I know I am covered in Jesus' blood and that I will share in his everlasting life. It made me feel pretty good to know that I must have been doing pretty good work for the Lord this week if Satan felt threatened.  All I have to say to that is...Watch out Another week is coming and I am covered in the blood of Jesus and nothing is going to stop me!!!!  May God Bless you and protect you!!

Giving Life

Some of you may know that I donated stem cells two years ago to a woman who had leukemia.  Recieving stem cells is usually the last resort for a patient and I was a perfect match.  I don't know who this person is and I will not have the opportunity to meet her for another three years.  This is one of the rules of the registry in which I signed up to donate.  The registry has many rules to protect both donor and recipient.  They have to be strict because there is so much at stake...we are talking about human life.  Not only are they trying to save a life but they don't want to lose a life in the process.  Every year on the anniversery of my donation I get a call from my advocate and she asks me questions about my health and this year I informed her that I had been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a condition that messes with the nerves in your body.  I have probably had this condition for many years but wasn't diagnosed until after my donation.  Now that I have been diagnosed I have been put on the inactive list with the registry and unable at this time to donate my stem cells. 


Being a part of the registry has been a huge part of my life and to know I am not going to get that phone call is very sad to deal with.  I have had a few people say that I should be grateful and trust me, I am.  I am very thankful that I have been able to save a life.  There are many, many people on the registry that will never get to say that.  There are many people in my life that can't even sign up for the registry and I know how much it would have meant to them to be able to have done that.  I also know that I have people in my life that want to sign up and I know that I can be there for them and help them with their journey if they are ever chosen to be donors.

I have recieved a few correspondence from my recipient over the last couple of years thanking me and telling me how she is doing and I have not sent her anything, probably because I have no idea what to say to her.  I have decided that I am going to start to write to her here in my blogs.  In here I will be able to say whatever I want and when I do meet her she can read these blogs and catch up with my life.  I want to make sure that I capture every emotion that I have had with this experience.  It has meant almost as much to me than having my own children.  I share with this woman a bond that I can now no longer share with anyone.  She has my DNA, she has my heart and I can't wait to meet her and tell her how she changed my life.

When I Grow Up...

As a child you are always asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?".  I really don't remember what it was that I wanted to be when I was a child.  I know when I was in high school I thought I wanted to be a physical therapist and then I had that one teacher that told me I wasn't smart enough to be a physical therapist so after that comment I kind of lost interest in most academic achievements.  After high school I did go to college but as my mom will tell you I majored in cheereleading and once that was over I really lost interest in the academic part of the institution.  It wasn't too long after I left the college life that I met someone and got pregnant with my first child.  So it was set it motion, being a wife and mother was what I was going to be when I grew up.

One day while driving in the minivan with my now three children, I said to God, "Is this it?" Is this all I'm suppose to be?"  I thought this was the end, this was one of those, Oh my God moments when my life is over, I will never be anything more than I am right at this moment.  Then God spoke to me, and he said "Yes, this is what I want you to be, a mom to these three children.  Can you do this for me?"  I was very happy to answer his call and say of course I can,  I would be more than happy to do that for you.  I will be the best mother I can be for you.  I thanked him for this gift.  Our children are gifts from God.  They are not ours to keep forever.  We are to bring them up, teach them what the Lord wants them to know.  We are to give them the gifts and tools that the Lord gave us to give to them and then we have to let them go to continue life.  Do we stop loving them?  Never.  Do we stop helping them?  No, but we have limits.  As a person who accepted the calling of being a mom first,  letting go of the "children" was the most difficult part of being a mom.  As I have stated before in a previous blog without my children I sometimes feel like I don't have a life.

Now that I am in the second half of my life and my children are grown and on their own I am once again asking myself, "What do I want to be when I grow up?". I had been patiently waiting for God to tell me if he had something else for me to do but I don't do patience very well.  I have been applying for jobs but nothing really coming back at me.  So I have decided to stop being patient and start being thankful to God for everything he has given me so far in my life.  He has truly Blessed me.  I almost feel as if I should wait because he has given me so much that maybe I need to wait my turn a little more.  Thank you Lord for everything you have given me!!!

Changing Your Picture

I have had this phrase in my head for many years now, "Change Your Picture".  Apparently we are in charge of what our mind sees so when we continue to see things or feel things we don't like, we have the power to change it by "Changing Our Picture".  Now I have to admit that I wish I had more training in this change,  because changing the picture in your mind is like using those new remotes with all the buttons.  I still have problems with that and need help when all of the electronics don't turn on like they are suppose to when I hit the power button.  But when you are finally able to change a negative thought in your mind to a positive one it is truly an amazing feeling.  It feels as if a miracle has occurred and I believe that in many ways it has. 

This happened to me recently and I was absolutely elated.  I thought that I suffered from depression for many years of my life and I probably did because I told myself I did.  I had been to the doctors many times and had been on medications and at one point even went to see a therapist.  By the way, he was the one the started to teach me that I could change the picture in my head, but to no avail none of these medicines really seemed to work and I constantly seemed to be looking for the answer to why was I still depressed.  While having a conversation with a very close friend and admitting to her that I suffered from depression, she was shocked, and said she would have never guessed that I was depressed.  She found me to be very motivational and very inspirational and in that instant she helped me flip my picture.

We all have reasons to be sad and have depressed moments.  Some of us that are mothers may have a laundry list and yes you can count the laundry.  There are many things that happen in our lives that can truly bring us down the road to be sad.  I have been through many transitions in the last year of my life that have left me spinning and there was no wonder I had moments of feeling as if my life was spinning out of control.  You can't take a life and throw all the pieces up in the air and expect everything to fall down in all the right places.  This is life...

Having kids is the same, they rule most of the time.  Parents are always teaching their children and forget that they are also living and by the time the kids are grown and gone, they find that their lives are behind them and they are questioning everything they did as parents.  As a mother this is my biggest mountain to climb.  I'm not sure I will ever actually fully rest in all the decisions I made as a mother but I am trying to change this picture.  I am working on " I gave my kids the tools they need and it's their choice to use them, I did my job".

Illness is another interruption in life and it definitely can lead to depressive moments. I watched my mom survive cancer, to me one of the worst diseases, with amazing strength.  But there were depressive moments.  There has to be.  You are initially handed a death sentence.  But then you have to choose what you will do with it.  My mom chose to LIVE with it.  And by live I mean she took her cancer and said, " Ok Lord...What is it you want me to do with this?"  Did she cry? Yes.  Was she tired?  All the time.  Did she get angry?  Definitely.  But she also fought.  She changed the picture in her mind to show how she would live with cancer instead of die with cancer.  She reached out to others with cancer and shared her story.  She reached out to others who didn't have cancer and taught them about compassion.  She still to this day, five years later, is raising money to beat cancer.  She made a choice to make the picture in her mind a positive picture of life and not death.

So I am happy to say that I am not a depressed person.  I do not suffer from depression.  There are times when I have a good cry and that's ok, it's a great cleaning of my soul.   I have also started using a technique of being thankful for everything in my life.  I have found that the more things that I can be thankful for the more things I find to be thankful for.  It is truly a Blessing from God when you start looking at things through different eyes how much things change.  I am thankful to God for the people in my life and for my health.  I am thankful to God for you who are reading my blog that you will find many Blessings today.

Christ's Love

When you think of Jesus' love what is the first thing that comes to your mind?  If you were to meet Jesus on the street today, what would he say to you?  Would he ask you to join him in a quiet place under a tree in a park and talk with you about how he understands how hard it's been for you struggling with everything thus far in your life?  Would he ask you to join him in a cup of coffee at the coffee shop and tell you how much he loves you and how much he has been admiring everything you have been trying to do with your life?  OR would he ask you to gather all your friends and meet him at the funeral of a soldier so that you could throw racial and anti-semitic slurs at the procession as it drove by?

It really makes me sad to see that there are Christians, and I use that word with a struggle, that think that they really believe that this is what God wants them to do.  I know that, as a Christian,  I am suppose to spread God's Love.  I am suppose to tell people what God did for us so that we may have everlasting life.  I am not sure, and I am sorry to all my Sunday school teachers, that I do not remember where exactly in the Bible it says that I am suppose to, as a Christian, go out and condemn people for who they are and what they do.  I am, as a Christian, suppose to tell people how much God loves them.  And contrary to what the WBC believes God does love everyone.  He may not love everything we do but he does love all of his children.  I am not perfect and I will be ready to let God himself judge me on my last day.  I want him to know, and I know he knows whats in my heart, that if I continue to spread love and not hate then that is one of the many choices he gave me that I made right.

If Jesus comes and asks you to sit and have a conversation with him, what would you like him to know?  What would you like to tell him?  Take your favorite cup of beverage and go find a quiet place and have that conversation....He will hear you.

Being in Love

Being in love doesn't always mean the love between a man and a woman.  Sometimes the love is between a mother and a baby.  Sometimes the love is between a man and his dog and sometimes the love is between a woman and her chocolate cake.

Wherever that love comes from, you know what I am talking about.  You know exactly what that feeling is.  It comes from deep inside your soul.  It gives you a feeling of overwhelming giddyness.  You want to call all your friends and scream from the roof tops and tell them how excited you are.  You think this feeling will be with you forever..You know it will.  And then it happens....

 There is a disagreement between couples, the baby wakes you in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, other than wanting to wake you up.  The dog has chewed your favorite pair of slippers and that piece of chocolate cake has put 2lbs on yours hips and a pimple on your nose.

What does this tell us?  Does it mean the end of love?  This is where we have to make a choice.  We have to choose to love.  We have to choose to accept that we are not perfect.  We have to choose that as part of a couple we have to listen and discuss things and make things right.  As a parent we have to comfort our children until they can comfort themselves.  We have to pet the dog and buy a new pair of slippers AND a dog bone and keep the slippers hidden and most important we have to learn to eat the chocolate cake because chocolate safes lives, and isn't that what life is all about!!!